my immortal commentary
by withoutlov
Summary: i think the title says it all.
1. Chapter 1

**So I decided to make a ''my immortal'' commentary.**

**Enjoy my pain.**

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **oh god** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling.** She didn't do a very good job ** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **I actually agreed with the last sentence.**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **that's a very long name** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **you were born with hair? poor you!** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears** am I suppose to care?** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **nooooo! i'm stuck here!** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.** Incest alert** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **You must be one of those 'Cullen' creatures ** I have pale white skin. ***snape voice* obviously** I'm also a witch, ***cough*halfblood*cough*** and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England** Hogwarts is in Scotland** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **I thought you were a prep, my bad!** and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing **I don't care** a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, **aren't you already pale enough**? black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **I like rain :D** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **Such a lovely girl!**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **Yes! I bet he's gonna tease her about being a halfblood!**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.** Wait,what?! B-BUT SHE'S A HALFBLOOD! AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'SHYLY'?! DRACO'S NOT SHY!**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. ** .ever!**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! ***facepalms***

**Dude,like...WTF did i just read**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **NEVER!**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin **Vampires don't sleep** and drank some blood from a bottle I had **kids these days!**. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **That's so goffik *****sarcasm*** I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on **aren't you suppose to wear a uniform?**. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **how many piercings does this girl have?**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.** she smiled and flipped her hair before opening her eyes?dafuk?** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation **YOUR ALREADY PALE!WHY DO YOU NEED FOUNDATION?!** and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **talking?you can't consider that a conversation.**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.** Yeah,just let the world hear you shout like an idiot,which you are.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.** DUN DUN DUN**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.** is that even a word?**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.** 'you are the most annoying thing in the planet!' then i he picked up a wooden stick and killed me THE END!**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.** but they're muggles!**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **stop liking the bands i like,Ebony,seriously.**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked. **What?Why would Draco Malfoy want to go to a muggle concert?**

I gasped. **then i said no and left hogwarts THE END**

**it's just getting worse -_-''**


	3. Chapter 3

**i'm gonna have a bad time ._.**

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **nope nope nope nope** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **those people are probably retards *sigh*** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis** you don't own your own story?** or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. **how can you walk in those things?!** Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.***processing*** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book **was it twilight? i always fell sick when i think of it** while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **THEN WHY THE FUDGE DID YOU PUT IT IN THE LAST CHAPTERS,YOU IDIOT?!** drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).** 1) Draco Malfoy in muggle clothes?yeah right! 2) 'cool' boys these days usually bully the guys that use eyeliner,but i don't blame you on this one,i usually find boys who wear eyeliner more attractive sooooooooo..**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. **good choice** We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **no,bad ebony,no doing drugs!** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **and died because it was still in the air** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).** i love that song**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **that is a very good thing to say to your boyfriend **

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively **he's the slytherin ice prince,for Salazar's sake**! and he put his arm around me all protective. **gross gross gross!i don't approve this paring.**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **her face is blonde?poor girl!**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. **that sentence was doesn't have one single grammar mistake! you're improving!** So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz,**that's why you shouldn't do drugs kids** and but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!** *sing voice* you're gonna get expelled~~ **

**i survived one more chapter! :D**

**41 more to go! *goes cry in a corner***


	4. Chapter 4 and 5!

**Today we have two chapters! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…..I want to punch ebony in the face so badly.**

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK!** Hello miss ENOBY nut may su! Please fall of a cliff!** DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!** English motherfucker, do you speak it?!**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Yeah, why the hell aren't you on a date with Harry?! *drarry shipper sob***

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.** But you both died because the car was still in the air.**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked. **No Draco her name is ENOBY didn't you read the AN at the beginning?**

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) ***head desk* ** which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **If my non-existent boyfriend did that I would punch him.**

And then… suddenly just as I **Random 'just as I' of doom!** Draco kissed me passionately.**Don't read this kids D:** Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **How the hell did he climb in top of you if you were against a tree? ** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra.** Achievement unlocked!** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. ** GROSSSSSS!**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **You're a vampire your body can't become warm.** And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore! ** *insert fuck yeah face here***

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming!** NEVER BIATCH :D **if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **Since when do preps listen to Black Veil Brides or Falling In Reverse? And just so you know I listen to MCR to,so shut up.** Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **That's not an excuse -_- ** ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **Yeah, Draco broke Harry's heart by missing their date! ** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **Excuse me for a moment. *goes outside* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHhahahahaha…haha…ha *comes back***

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.** How the heck did they know?**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **GO MCGONAGALL!**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **NO NO NO! NO ME GUSTA! NO ME GUSTA!**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." ** …what the hell?!**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **Why the hell did you dress up that fancy?** When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte.** But you're dead so you can't really live.** I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

***grabs chainsaw and Sebastian* Hope you enjoyed it, so now me and Sebby are going to kill some 'goffiks'. Bye bye.**

**Sebby: I'm sorry, I must go back to my bocchan.**

**Ciel: Go with her Sebastian, I don't want this vampire to be around.**

**Sebby: *sigh* Yes, my lord.**


	5. Chapter 6 and 7!

**Hewo :3**

**Today we have two chapters again!**

**Anddddd the first one will be read by *drum roll* Draco Malfoy! The real one!**

**Draco: Who said I was going to.**

***points to Dean making out with Seamus* I'll make you do that with Harry!**

**Draco: O_O…deal.**

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!** *shut *preps *won't *until *good *reviews. Tsk, stupid muggle.**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Bloody hell O_O** I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.** You muggles are sick!**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, **What's wrong with you?** and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **Good, you deserved it for exposing your stupidity to me.**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **You were going down his face? *cough* slut *cough*** and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **You're the one who mentioned it on the first place!**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **This is potter? That thing is Potter? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BLOODY HELL! I'M SOOO USING THIS FOR BLACK MAIL!**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.** HAHAHAHAHAHAAH! Potter giggled! He freaking giggled!**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **Correction: ''YEAHHHHHHHHH!'' I roared.**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU BRING ME INTO THIS! MY FATHER SHALL HEAR ABOUT THIS!**

**Draco time is over! I 'M BACK!HAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry I had a Ronnie Radky moment. ^^'**

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **OMG A TITLE!**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! ***grabs chainsaw*** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue **You speak lies!** ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed **She doesn't seem to mind them **4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?) **Yes it does**. I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **Poor Harry! Give Draco back to him!** Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then… ** Oh shit..**

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Yes. Why would Draco even touch her?**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **YES! YAOI! FINALLY!**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **Look who's talking.**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **LEAVE HIM ALONE! HE'S JUST A HUMAN! (sorry I just had to XD )**

**Well that's the end for now :'(**

**Draco: Soooooo…no kissing Potter?**

**Nope! *curses Draco and throws him at Harry***

**Draco: Potter have I ever told you how cute you are?**

**Harry: *blush***


	6. Chapter 8, oh god

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep! ***Flaming *If *you *then *you *are **

Everyone in the class stared at me **Maybe because you are a bitch?** and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked **Oh dear lord** and started begging me to take him back. **You're dead to me Draco.**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith **OH FUCK MY LIFE! WHY?! HOW THW HELL CAN I PICTURE BLOODY MARY NOW?!** smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. **Everyone flips their hair and then opens their eyes, Ebony logic** She had **OH NOT AGAIN!** pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **WHERE IS A PSYCHO KILLER WHEN YOU NEED ONE?!**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice **Go Snape!** but I ignored him. **You're fucked.**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **But you were dating Draco not Harry- You know what? I give up on you Ebony, you stupid, selfish, bitchy whore. **

Everyone gasped. ***eye roll***

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **…..dafuk?** I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart.** Oh crap, it's Draco.** He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **Has anyone seen my chainsaw?**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire. **Well, we need more yaoi in this so you should be dating him.**

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. **You always do that.** I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **Pft-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA** to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.** Oh my god! XD**

**Listening to 'Bitches' by HU while doing this….Oh my lord XD**

**Anywho, hope you liked it!**


	7. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX! **Someone give me a calming pill or something before I punch her.**

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. **He used to date Harry but they broke up, you dimwit.** I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! **Oh dear lord** He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **No shit, Sherlock! Do you want a cookie?**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. **Please kill her, Voldie.**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **But you were under the Imperious curse, so you couldn't do that, right?**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **How about you kill her instead?**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. **You're dating Draco, remember? ** I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **HOLY SHIT! SHE HAS A BRAIN! BECAUSE NO ONE NEW THAT! WHOO FUCKING DOO!**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. **Voldie, kill her!**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Go ahead, he has been possessed by a demon.**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **Pfttttttttt-** "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **Well, I need brain bleach.**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **You are bipolar, aren't you?**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. **You left him naked in front of Snape. That is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. ** He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit)** Yes, I get it. ** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked. **Yes, of course he is! Why wouldn't he be?**

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **I wonder if the monsters under my bed would like to kill you.**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW EWEWEWEWEWEWEWNONONONONONONO NONONONONONONONONONO.**

**Holy hell, a new chapter! Sorry for the wait guys!**

**As anyone listened to 'Lost it all' by BVB? I freaking love that song!**

**Now I must go, I'm gonna summon a demon.**


End file.
